Life rolls in stages. I write a lot about my past on this blog, mostly because I had a very happy youth and I like sharing it with people. That happiness was due in great measure to the fact that I was a child, and didn’t register that things weren’t always perfect. But even with that blindness, there were times in the life of my family that truly were happier than others- long stretches of sunny weather with hardly a cloud in the sky.
I haven’t written much about my present, other than my feeble attempts to start a business, because it has been a stormier season of life. I have four healthy boys, and a wonderful husband. We live in a comfortable, albeit tiny, house, and we have plenty of food on the table. We have lots of good friends and are members of a great church. I write that list easily because I run it like a litany through my head every time I get discouraged about the circumstances of my own and my larger family.
The past five years have been no picnic. The house we were renovating and hoping to move into before my third boy was born fell prey to the economic crisis. We still own it, but it is sitting empty, a roost for pigeons and an easy target for anyone looking to tear the wiring out of the walls.
My dad was diagnosed with dementia, and we are now witnessing the gradual disappearance of his memory and functionality. I say witnessing, but for us it only hearing, because we live far from the rest of my family, and that is a trial in itself.
My husband lost his job two years ago, and we have been trying to get back on our feet ever since.
We have dealt with mental illness, and the sudden loss of my brother-in-law a year ago. We have walked with my sister in her grief as she moved here to start a new life. But she is moving on again, leaving us this week.
When she first told us she was moving on, I felt like it was the last straw. It has been so wonderful having a sister in town. It felt like the beginning of better times. Now that was going to be gone too. It was time to resign myself to the fact that things would never be sunny again, and let pessimism reign.
But now there is a fresh wind blowing. A sudden and unexpected gust that has me trembling with hope and a joy I haven’t felt in years. I am seeing that God can tear down our walls without warning and build them up again just as quickly. I can’t spell things out yet, and I don’t really know what is going on. But I can share with you my favorite hymn, the words of which have been bursting out of me with tears of joy, startling my children and no doubt making them think mommy is crazy.
Praise to the Lord, who with marvelous wisdom hath made thee,
Decked thee with health and with loving hand guided and stayed thee!
How oft in grief, hath not he brought thee relief,
Spreading his wings to o’er shade thee.
Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper they work and defend thee!
Surely his goodness and mercy here daily attend thee;
Ponder anew what the Almighty will do,
If with his love he befriend thee.